Around Town

By Lars Swensen

It’s October in Bunyan Bay which can only mean one thing, the Annual Pumpkin Launching Competition. This year we had a slight snafu when an errant pumpkin sailed through Grandma Enquist’s picture window. Thankfully, Grandma Enquist was not home at the time. She was the one launching the pumpkin. However, Grandpa Enquist was home, but was not hurt physically. It turns out Grandma Enquist was mad at her husband for not letting her watch her soaps. When asked to comment, Grandma Enquist said, “If you dance with the devil, there’s hell to pay.”

In other news, the Bunyan Bay Halloween Party will be held October 31st at the Church of the Unwavering Lutheran. We respectfully ask that no one dress salaciously this year. Last year, Grandma Enquist gave the children nightmares for weeks when she wore her French Maid outfit.

One final note, the leaves are peaking in Bunyan Bay and so is the Bunyan Bay High School Lumberjack Team. The Fighting Crappies beat the Moon Lake Bottom Feeders last week when the Feeders came in second in the Ax Catching Competition.

by Lars Swensen

It’s March in Bunyan Bay and that can only mean one thing, The Bunyan Bay Winter Carnival.

This past weekend, dozens of people from all across northern Minnesota came to Bunyan Bay’s 43rd Winter Carnival to enjoy the events, contests, and of course, fried food on a stick.

This year, Betsy Lundegard won the Ice Sculpting Contest with her entry, “a large block of ice.” After her victory, she cut up the ice block and made frozen margaritas. Ole. In second place was Vern Malmquist with his entry, “Not Sure.” For her victory, Betsy will receive a one week all expense paid trip to East Grand Forks. For second place, Vern will receive a two week all expense paid trip to East Grand Forks.

Jodi Bjorklund won the Miss Winter Carnival Beauty Contest. This year they changed it to the Miss or Mrs. Winter Carnival Beauty Contest since all the single women moved away.

Hungry carnival goers enjoyed lots of fried food on a stick ranging from fried Twinkies on a stick, fried cheese curds on a stick, fried bacon, fried pickles and fried french fries.

On a final note, Sven Halvorsen has been showing off his new Toyota Corrolla by driving it up and down Main Street all week. Okay, Sven, everyone has seen the car, congratulations, now get off the road.

by Lars Swensen

The annual Christmas Tree Lighting was held this past Saturday with only one little glitch. Ninety-four year old Mayor Swensen (no relation), thought the tree was powered by candles and tried to light it on fire. We reminded him that we’ve been using electric Christmas lights since 1942, to which he replied, “Electric?” Will someone please run against him.

The Bunyan Bay Carolers entertained us with popular Christmas songs including, “Grandma Cut the Christmas Cheese,” “Uncle Bob, the Christmas Sponge,” “It’s a Two Fruitcake Christmas,” “All I want For Christmas is the New Teller at the Bank,” and “No More Lutefisk For You.”

In other news, the missing hunter was found. Carl Sagerstrom went missing three days ago from a hunting trip up north. He was recently found at work, the last place anyone thought he would be.

The crime of the century was solved when the leader of a counterfeit bingo card operation was arrested during a sting at the Bunyan Bay Senior Center. Helen Jensen, a.k.a. “Dobber,” was arrested on three counts of minor fraud and taken to the Bunyan Bay police station at the same time they were having their Christmas party. After 20 minutes and three Hot Toddies, they released her on grounds that she’s old. Plus, she never won anything with her counterfeit bingo cards.

Merry Christmas to everyone in Bunyan Bay!

by Lars Swensen

The temperature in Bunyan Bay hit 18 below zero yesterday marking the 8th day in a row below zero. There are two seasons in northern Minnesota, winter and road construction, and we have clearly moved into winter. As confirmation, Kanute Gunderson, owner of Kanute’s Camping, Canoeing and Fishing Stores got his tongue stuck on the town hall flagpole again. Some people never learn. The good news is, Kanute won’t be able to talk for a week.

Bernice Lundstrom won the Bob Dylan trivia question this week with her answer, “blowing in the wind.” It is rumored that Bob Dylan, who grew up in nearby Hibbing, once visited the local bar, The Bunyan. At least that’s what co-owner, Gunner Johnson, would have you believe. Some people think he made up the story to score points with his wife, Clara.

Congratulations to 94 year old Mayor Swensen (no relation) for winning his re-election. Swensen has been Mayor since 1942 enacting such legislation as “Softer food at the Piggly Wiggly,” and “Shut up, you darn teenagers.” This was his narrowest victory in years, barely beating write-in candidate, “Anyone Else.”

Around Town

by Lars Swensen

Congratulations to the Bunyan Bay High School Fighting Crappies for winning their homecoming game Friday night against the Gull Lake “Large Mouth Bass.” The Crappies are now 3-2 for the year, making this their best football season since Swede “Straightjacket” Larson was on the team in 2006. Because of censorship rules, the school board changed the homecoming slogan from “Kick their Bass” to “Beat the Visitors.”

Bunyan Bay’s 94 year old Mayor Swensen (no relation) is up for re-election in November and his campaign is in full swing. Swensen has been Mayor of Bunyan Bay since 1942 and Saturday night he was seen campaigning at The Musky Lounge, Bunyan Bay’s exclusive gentleman’s club. Will someone please run against him.

The Bunyan Bay Community Theater’s Fall musical will open this Friday. This year the Bunyan Bay Players will present “Dolls and Dolls.” They intended to put on “Guys and Dolls” but no men auditioned.

Around Town

by Lars Swensen

BREAKING MOSQUITO NEWS – Mosquitoes are out in full force in Bunyan Bay. Yesterday, as you all know, the whole town was put in quarantine because of a freak encephalitis outbreak. It started at the Senior Center, and to take every precaution, the whole town was not allowed to leave their homes. Just to clear up any misconceptions, encephalitis is not when your feet get giant sized. That’s elephantiasis. Encephalitis is when you get bit by mosquitoes, fall asleep, then you die. It turns out that it was a false alarm. It was nap time at the Senior Center. Everyone is now allowed to go outside.

And, no, the Minnesota state bird is not the mosquito. The state bird is the Loon, which is a crazy name for a bird, literally, because it means, “crazy.”

In other summer news, we had a great 4th of July parade. Kanute Gunderson won the best parade float with his entry, “A Big Fish,” made out of styrofoam. Unfortunately, after the parade, a big gust of wind came up and carried it away. If anyone finds the float, please return it to Kanute.

In closing, Jimmy Lundeen almost blew off his little toe with a cherry bomb. That’ll teach you to try and blow up old man Hansen’s mailbox.

Around Town

By Lars Swensen

It’s June in Bunyan Bay, the fish are biting, and the pontoon boats are on the lake. Just don’t go swimming yet, cause the water is freezing. Speaking of pontoon boats, if you’re one of the few who haven’t heard the mishap on the lake this past weekend, Harold Streelund had quite a party on his boat. Harold, his wife, Ruth, and two other couples who shall remain nameless, since they’re still in jail, brought two cases of Leinenkugel’s Canoe Paddler on the boat, and found themselves up a creek without a paddle. Witnesses on shore say they saw the couples “sword fighting with their fishing poles” before crashing into Hansen’s dock, destroying it and sinking the boat. When Sheriff Halvorsen showed up, he reported that three of the partiers were “running around in their birthday suits.” Thankfully, no one was hurt. We would just like to ask Jimmy Anderson to stop posting photos of the naked ladies on his Facebook page.

Around Town

by Lars Swensen

Well, the ice has finally melted off half the lake, which means that Spring is in the air. And what better way to start off the new season than with the Bunyan Bay Spring Talent Contest. This year saw a variety of new acts. In this humble journalist’s opinion, the top five included; 5) Jimmy Norquist held his breath for one minute while playing chopsticks on a piano, 4) Sarah Lundstrom sang, “Bunyan Bay Thou Art Beautiful” while doing yoga, 3) Pastor Stromberg recited the Gettysburg Address while building a log cabin out of Lincoln Logs, 2) Harold Streelund acted out a scene from “Cool Hand Luke,” then ate 50 eggs, and my favorite, 1) Judy Larsen tap danced while lip sinking to “What a Feeling,” from Flashdance, then had 30 gallons of water dumped on her. Thank you to all the contestants, and to Judy for wearing the sheer outfit.

Around Town

By Lars Swensen

As most of you know, the “Welcome to Spring” Festival and Parade was cancelled due to the six feet of snow still on the ground and the lake completely frozen over. Instead, Bunyan Bay will be celebrating a second Winter Carnival and Snow Plow Parade. Festivities begin this Saturday with the Ice Sculpting Contest and Broomball Fiesta. Lloyd Bjornquist won the last ice sculpting contest with his entry titled, “A Really Big Fish.” Good luck this time, Lloyd. For the toddlers, curling lessons will be given in the parking lot of the Piggly Wiggly, since the parking lot is an ice rink.

Around Town

By Lars Swensen

The annual “Guess When the Car Falls Through the Ice” contest is underway. Joe Hansen donated his rusted out 1967 Rambler to the contest. In case you don’t know, the rules are as follows: Step 1, Joe drives the car out on the ice and leaves it in the middle of the lake; Step 2, Guess the day that the ice will melt and the car will fall through, sinking to the bottom. Odds are that it will be sometime in June. Send your guess to The Bunyan Bay Picayune along with $2. Winner receives dinner for 1 at The Bunyan.